H e l l o L e O n

It's been so long I written something on my blog, it was due to stress, school works, alot of work loads, alot of problem which make me a very depressed person now. Today after the WEBA test, I was thinking what the point of studying so much when you come of the test room, you got that feeling that you may fail the test. It was really so disappointing. I study quite alot and the outcome is not what you expected. If I really fail WEBA, I seriously don't know what to do, it is because the consequences are really big, it will be one of the shock of my life. I may even consider quitting the school if I can't get passed WEBA module.

For the WEBA assignment, it is also really terrible, this is also of the reason which make me depressed now. I really tried my best, for many many many many days, I spent most of my time on the computer, programming, programming and still programming and still can't get it. I even programmed until I never sleep for one and a half day and the next morning went for a driving lesson with the fear of getting an accident. I even eat the humble pie and asked alot of people for help. I also neglected the other projects like MPRG, MCOM, ITEC, WLAN, ISNS which make my work load even more heavier that I fear that I will end up in the IMH. That the reason why I can't help jacl, wenqing, lilin and jie in their dsal, can't help anyone who needed my help

Sometimes, you ever wonder what the point of doing projects, what the point of studying, During secondary life, I alway told my friends that studying is important, it's won't make you a useless person. But now I realised, studying still won't make you a better person, but make me so depressed, with no goals, no sense of direction, no people to direct me, no one cared, not being loved. I just study for the sake of studying, following the direction of destiny, I never asked why, I will just follow blindly until the day I am told to leave this world with the empty life, empty dreams, empty achievements.

Even before I went for WEBA test, I was already depressed due to something. My heart really break into pieces. She never even smile now whenever I tell something funny and a good friend of mine getting so close to her, it really give me a mix feeling of angry or feeling happy or feeling sad. So I decided that I will back out for the person who can make her happy because I could'nt make her smile or laugh or happy. It is either that she know something or I practically useless in chasing girl or I destined to be lonely and isolated in my life. But my love for her will alway be in my empty heart. It's won't change. Now I just can't the old person I used to be, so cheerful and happy, maybe one day I will return back to the old person but for now I just have to admit my fate.